<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Sleepless Nights by theartofimaginaryfriends</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25988413">Sleepless Nights</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/theartofimaginaryfriends/pseuds/theartofimaginaryfriends'>theartofimaginaryfriends</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Percy Jackson Oneshots [16]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 12:22:05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,064</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25988413</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/theartofimaginaryfriends/pseuds/theartofimaginaryfriends</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Percy can't fall asleep, and thinks about the friends he lost in the battle against Kronos</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Percy Jackson Oneshots [16]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1829356</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Sleepless Nights</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Content warning: grief and loss, deals with trauma</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><em><span>There's a grief that can't be spoken,</span></em> <br/>
<em><span>There's a pain goes on and on.</span></em> <br/>
<em><span>Empty chairs at empty tables,</span></em> <br/>
<em><span>Now my friends are dead and gone.</span></em> </p><p><span>Percy found himself unable to sleep for the fifth night in a row, not being able to stop thinking about the sacrifices each of his friends made. He carried the burden of the prophecy so that Nico wouldn't, and was named the hero at the end of the day. Glory was supposed to come along with a title like that, but all Percy felt was hopeless and tired. </span> </p><p><span>The Gods expected Demigods to do their dirty work, causing their children to be stuck with a heavy burden on their backs for the rest of their lives. Such grief and pain never truly goes away. That's why Percy turned down immortality. It wasn't worth it if he was going to be carrying that burden while he watched his friends die one by one. </span><span>Instead, he found a wish that could be easily done. Now, the camp was filled with new demigods and more arriving every day. </span> </p><p><span>Still, he couldn’t help the dread that came along with waking up every single morning, and facing the camp again. Every day, he didn't see the future of Camp Half-Blood, he saw loss everyone had to face collectively. The damage that the war caused both physically and mentally, not only on himself but on his fellow campers. </span> </p><p><em><span>Here they talked of revolution,</span></em> <br/>
<em><span>Here it was they lit the flame,</span></em> <br/>
<em><span>Here they sang about tomorrow and tomorrow never came.</span></em> </p><p><span>Staring up at the underside of the top bunk, he thought of Luke Castellan. The son of Hermes wanted to be recognized by his father, he wanted all the Gods kids to know who their parent was. Luke's anger towards the Gods drove him down a path that caused him to lose himself along the way. Percy knew that Luke understood a long time ago that he had made a mistake by helping Kronos, but he couldn't help but still feel angry with him. </span> </p><p><span>Luke was a hero in the end. That was what Percy had told the camp. Did he believe it himself? He wasn't completely sure. His first friend at camp became the cause of countless people he considered to be family to fall to their demise. He was the reason Percy carried a burden that – quite frankly – no one wanted. </span> </p><p><span>He recalled the months leading up to the final battle. The demigods were scared, but many were also excited for a battle. A motivation to win sparked through the whole camp, overpowering the general worry every kid had around death. Many were confident, and some had died because of it. These kids never got to see the success of the battle, and Percy hoped they were all in Elysium where they belong. </span> </p><p><em><span>From the table in the corner,</span></em> <br/>
<em><span>They could see a world reborn,</span></em> <br/>
<em><span>And they rose with voices ringing,</span></em> <br/>
<em><span>And I can hear them now</span></em> <br/>
<em><span>The very words that they have sung</span></em> <br/>
<em><span>Became their last communion</span></em> <br/>
<em><span>On this lonely barricade, at dawn.</span></em> </p><p><span>Voices were haunting him constantly. Of Luke, Beckendorf, Silena, and many others. Percy often felt like his friends would join him in the Dining Pavillion, despite them not physically being there. He remembered their voices vividly, as if he had just wished them a goodnight before heading to his cabin with Tyson. It worsened his pain, the demigod wishing to forget the sounds of their voices. </span> </p><p><span>Visions of them training at camp wouldn't leave his mind, and he kept seeing their ghosts wherever he went. It made Percy feel even more lonely than before, reluctant to get close to anyone else at camp. In front of Annabeth and Grover, he put on a brave face. There was no way he'd admit to his true feelings, especially to his two best friends. Worrying them was the last thing he wanted to do. </span> </p><p><em><span>Oh my friends, my friends forgive me</span></em> <br/>
<em><span>That I live and you are gone</span></em> <br/>
<em><span>There's a grief that can't be spoken,</span></em> <br/>
<em><span>And there's a pain goes on and on.</span></em> </p><p><span>The worst part about the sleepless nights was the guilt that ate at him constantly. He felt like he didn't deserve to live, that he didn't deserve the title of hero. The people he cared about were in the underworld while he got the luxury of continuing to live. A luxury he hated having. </span> </p><p><span>Training at camp was supposed to help the Demigods learn to keep going if a family or friend died in battle. It was supposed to teach them how to move on when experiencing a loss that great. What it didn't help the Demigods prepare for were the flashbacks and the nightmares. The fear that went along with the guilt. The pain that never left no matter how hard they tried to push it down. It was an unexplainable pain, one that Percy knew he would never be able to describe to anyone outside of the camp – especially his mother. </span> </p><p><em><span>Phantom faces at the window,</span></em> <br/>
<em><span>Phantom shadows on the floor,</span></em> <br/>
<em><span>Empty chairs at empty tables where my friends will meet no more.</span></em> <br/>
<em><span>Oh my friends, my friends don't ask me</span></em> <br/>
<em><span>What your sacrifice was for</span></em> <br/>
<em><span>Empty chairs at empty tables</span></em> <br/>
<em><span>Where my friend will sing no more.</span></em> </p><p><span>The few hours earlier when the campfire took place, Percy felt the pain and suffering that the campers experienced collectively. He could picture Beckendorf and Silena cuddled up as they sang along, and even Luke's smile as he tried to get the Stoll's to be at least somewhat serious. He could see the ghosts of the kids who's shrouds they burned that night, watching as the campers tried to hold back tears as they mourned for what felt like the millionth night in a row. </span> </p><p><span>The Apollo cabin sat closer together than usual, the pain apparent in their voices as they led the camp through melancholy tunes. Even Percy joined in on the singing, too depressed to care that he sounded like a dying cat. The ghosts of his friends began to sing along to the songs with everyone, but Percy couldn't hear them. He wasn't even sure if what he was seeing was real. </span> </p><p><span>He couldn't tell the difference anymore, but he didn't care. Percy just wished he could slip away, and forget about everything for a while. </span> </p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>